Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I am puke
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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