She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
