Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
