God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
