The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
be right there i have to get my cape
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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