She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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