ya dads aren't the best wingmen
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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