you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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