dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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