Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
