im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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