I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
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