She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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