I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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