When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
