My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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