you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize