I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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