I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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