so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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