There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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