omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
