There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
