First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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