I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
