I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
