this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
