Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
