I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
