I bet he comes in French.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
