I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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