Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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