peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
