Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
