im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
