Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
