Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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