If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I love having hate sex.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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