i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
