I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
