I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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