someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
then he tried to convert me to islam
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
