Who wears a wallet chain?!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize