i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
