White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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