she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My feet surprised me
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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