Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
