Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
