Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
