You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
