he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i think my tv is drunk
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
