so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
