I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
