I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
