You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
