Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
