i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
