defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize