Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
