She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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