When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize