oh god the rape fog is back!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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